No, thank you! Mayor Bloomberg has now approved the first ban on the so-ginormous-they-could-take-over-Japan soft drinks. There are people up in arms about this decision (made 8 to 1 by the way) but really, these are the same people who are going to cause insurance premiums to go way up because of all the medical care/procedures/tests that the obese will need when their bodies start shutting down. New York City ALONE spends FOUR BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR on medical care for overweight people. I am in favor of this ban because of the money that will be saved later. Also, what is wrong with drinking water? Or smaller amounts of soda? Okay so maybe your pregnant wife is like “Oh My God! I need pickles, ice cream, and a supersized Sprite, right now! I’m craving! Arghhhh!” JUST BUY HER SEVERAL MEDIUMS. If you will die without soda, just go to the store and buy a bottle. Seriously. Now, I don’t live in NYC but I sure hope this takes effect on Long Island. And Mississippi. Mississippi is bad…woo. Like really bad. Like, was found to be the fattest state bad.
Keep in mind, girls and boys, that government regulations are responsible for letting you purchase meat that isn’t covered in hair and maggots. Government regulations can also save your life. Those CPR/AED machines you see in buildings? Government. Children having to go to school? Government. Fire exits? Government. Knowing if a prescription pill will kill you or not? Government. Bridges that don’t fall when you drive over them? Government. Do you get it yet?